Heartbeat (Childish Gambino Cover) Lyrics

I wanted you to know
That I am ready to go, heartbeat
My heartbeat
I wanted you to know
Whenever you aren’t around, can’t sleep
I can’t sleep

[Verse 1]
You know what I like
Skinny tie and a cuff tight
You go and make breakfast
I’ll walk around naked
I might just text you
Turn my phone over, when it’s all over
No settling down but you make me wanna scream
You know better than that
I come around when you least expect me
I’m sitting at the bar when your glass is empty
You think that the songs coming on to tempt me
I always been alone since our final entry
You start calling, I start crying
I come over, and then I try to
I can’t find you
The love that I once had
But the sex that we have isn’t half bad
The text say that “It’s not fair”
Is it code for “she’s not here”?
And I’mma flirt with this new guy
And I’mma call if it don’t work
So we fuck, till we come, to conclusions
All the things that we thought we were losing
I’m a ghost and you know this
That’s why we broke up in the first place
Cause

[Hook x2]

[Verse 2]
It’s late night Thursday
I know that you heard me
But you don’t want the same thing
Well two can play that game
So I’m chilling with my boyfriend
But he not my real boyfriend
I got my hand on his heart but
He’s not my real boyfriend
Stupid, so dummy
Say the wrong thing and wrong guys come runnin’
Take advantage of my hips, yeah so funny
And it’s hard to make a dime go one hundred
And my boy freakin’ out over a worse fate
She on time, but he’s late for they first date
Cause he went and tried out all new condoms
Slipped off in a threesome, good problems?
Right? Wrong
if you wanna, play games online or
With the super smash brothers, but none of them me
I miss the sex when you sing all out of key
Eat out at bars and after too
I was wrong, but I said I would change for you
Uh, I was crazy
I got a heart and my broken head
is what you used to like but who cares about used to

I wanted you to know
That I am ready to go, heartbeat
My heartbeat
I wanted you to know
Whenever you aren’t around, can’t sleep
I can’t sleep

The Final Problem

As it is now May and my updates become fewer, I think I may as well make this one worth it.  This will start off with a question- one terrifying, soul-searching question that will reverberate silently through the interiors of dusty PC’s in storage basements of the once prepubescent digital age:  Do you remember Xanga?

I was somewhat of a Xanga freak back in the day.  Big surprise, I know.  I was pretty oblivious to the laws of courtesy with public content, chronicling many an argument in what remains to be the most stressful clique of which I have ever been part (middle school-not a proud time.)  I blogged about family issues, my crushes, and my moral epiphanies (“It’s NEVER okay to pretend to be someone else.” Lolz. )  I even occasionally posted excerpts from AIM conversations, and linked the blog to my AIM profile just so that everyone could witness my literary prowess.  Before deactivating, I saved my pre-teen ramblings in their entirety on a hard drive that has long since crashed and burned.  I wish I had been a little more privy to digital archives because perhaps reading all that junk now could help to illuminate exactly how NOT to share your life on the internet.

That being said, the reason I haven’t blogged much in this last bit of April isn’t my normal negligence of BEDA- at least not primarily. I’ve been feeling pretty down these last couple of weeks.  I know that not many people read these posts, but I still wasn’t sure how much I wanted to share about what I’m dealing with in this last part of my time in Italy.  You never know who will read, anyway, which is kind of the whole point of blogging.  Somewhere between that suburban middle school and my Florence apartment I learned how not to be the kind of person whose mother must remind her that not all thoughts must be shared.  I’m still apprehensive that I’m going to let that ex-Xanga girl wander a little too far without a leash.  In the name of my own digital posterity and IRL lucidity, I’m going to throw some thoughts here anyway.

Most people I’ve talked to who have gone abroad say they became depressed or full of regret when the semester drew to a close.  Sometimes it even carries over to the beginning of the next semester- they feel it went by too fast, they didn’t go to all the places they wanted too, didn’t take advantage of all the things they should have, etc.  I do feel this to a certain extent, but I sort of feel that all the time.  Not in a miserable kind of way, just empirically- it’s impossible to do everything you’d like to do.  I’m surprised that I’m not more bothered by that here, actually.  I hardly traveled outside of Florence at all, especially compared my classmates who found themselves in a different country every weekend.  I never saw platform 9 3/4, never went to the Disneyland Paris, never met my other study abroad friends at a concert in Prague, none of that.  Before I came here, I really wanted to do all of those things.  I wish I did, but I’m not heartbroken about it.  Being here has really confirmed how important it is to me that I see the world, Europe and elsewhere.  I’m glad I soaked up Florence.  I do wish I’d been able to check a few more things off my bucket list, but it’s all in due time.

I’m also not particularly worried about the friend situation.  I feel really fortunate to have been able to share this semester with amazing people, and I know that some of us may lose touch.  That’s just the way it is.  I know that the people I’ve chosen to spend time with will always mean a lot to me whether we remain friends who go out on weekends together or not, simply because each of them has been integral to the experience.  “Meant to be” is a phrase I usually scoff at, but it aaaalmost applies.  It’s not like anyone here won’t be able to survive without me, vice versa, and if so, then we won’t have to.  Simple as that.

I am going to miss Florence.  Definitely.  Awesome things about Florence (An Incomprehensive List):  Our campus is unbelievable.  I live around the corner from the best hangover/anytime sandwich place ever.  I cross the Arno to get to school everyday.  I pass the Duomo to get to school everyday.  Coffee is great here.  I can go to the Academia, the Palazzo Pitti, and the Uffizi whenever I like, free of charge (and skip lines.)  There are no open container laws.  People are generally friendly and relaxed.  I am more relaxed, mostly.

Things I Really Miss About New York (An Incomprehensive List):  My friends.  The subway.  Thai food.  Unchanging transport schedules.  Taxi’s galore.  Bobst.  English.  Washington Square Park.  Small art galleries.  24-hr anything.  Thrift stores.  Busy streets.  Weird fashion.  Bookstores (in English!)  NYU internet.  American money.  The delightfully insane speed of life.

It’s difficult to reconcile.  The more people say that they can’t believe that we have to leave and how much they are dreading it, the more I realize that I’m really not.  I love going to college in New York because it is crazy.  A lot of my favorite things about being there are diametrical opposites to the cornerstones of my life here.  Florence, it’s been great, but New York owns my heart.  So why isn’t it easier to leave?

This is so textbook, but wouldn’t you think you’d know yourself a little better after going so far from home?  At the time, I didn’t consider that to be part of my decision to go from St. Louis to New York, but in hindsight, it may have been.  In deciding to come here, I had no misgivings about my motivations.  I knew that I was signing up to be totally freaked out, for better or for worse, and to make some deductions about myself from my findings (I’m a science experiment? Yes, good.)  Some egocentric hypotheses I have gathered (An Incomprehensive And Maybe Incomprehensible List):

I do a pretty decent nice-funnyish-awkward-endearing-art-girl first impression.

Italian food is good but definitely not the greatest or most interesting.

It is possible to act confident in spite of really hating yourself sometimes, and not feel like a total poser because of it.  I’m not sure what magic this is.

I’m not bad at multitasking.

I’m pretty bad at calming myself down.

I’m doing a very okay job with everything for someone my age.

I am comfortable with alarmingly large amounts of dirty laundry.

I am not comfortable with a dirty kitchen.

I heavily prefer action over inaction.  I prefer confrontation.

I’m not as bad at hanging out with new people as previously thought.

My weirdness is hilarious and people who don’t think so obviously don’t matter.

 

And so on.  Right then, the point of this whole thing…I’m worried that some of these things won’t hold true.  I’m worried these theories really only apply in a Skinner’s box situation.  Maybe I thought I was getting better at really talking to new people only because everyone needed friends abroad?  Maybe the confidence thing only applies without the normal stressors of New York?  Maybe weirdness is just weird and I need to take a seat?  It goes around in my head like this a lot.  I’m ready to come home, I really am, I’m just not sure if I’m ready to have theses notions shattered in the event that I’m wrong.  I am definitely not down to go backwards in this know-thyself game, but then I feel like I don’t know what any of this is worth until I get home.  It’s been preoccupying me a lot, to be honest.  That and family issues, crushes, and moral epiphanies, on which I will abstain from running commentary (Hush, child.) So that is basically it.  Dwelling on that has brought me to this awful place filled with procrastination, junk food, and day drinking.  I’m getting it together.  But to be honest, I let myself fall apart a bit.

Well, I do feel better for getting that out there.  I’ll probably update again at the end of the week about developments/concluding shenanigans.  It is very late here, but the draft of this post has been hanging around in the back of my mind so I just had to wrap it up.  I really need to go to bed now.

P.S.  This is called “The Final Problem” because I watched the last episode of Sherlock for the fourth time earlier in the day and Moffat is trolling my soul.

I can’t pick which part of this to quote so I’m going to go ahead and put all of it.

“

The Atlantic was born today, and I’ll tell you how:
The clouds above opened up and let it out.

I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
When the water filled every hole.
And thousands upon thousands made an ocean,
Making islands where no island should go.
Oh, no.

Most people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.
I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.
The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door
Have been silenced forever more.
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
It seems farther than ever before
Oh, no.

I need you so much closer.
So come on, come on.”

-Transatlanticisim, Death Cab For Cutie

Hey there Hi there Ho there

Blogging in daylight hours? WHAT IS THIS MAGIC?

I’m at school, done for the day but taking care of some bizniz, you know. I have that song “Call Me Maybe” stuck in my head by Carly Rae Jepsen because I heard it in a Meekakitty video and it’s driving me completely nuts.   Today is good day because Jade published her first poem to the poetry blog and I think once Allison puts hers up we’ll post it to Facebook (and maybe even make it one of those pages? WHOA) and invite friends to put their poetry up too. Exciting, woo!  I’m actually seeing Jade play another concert tonight on campus.  She was so great when she played Schoenberg’s Opus 11 in that bar the other night.  Everyone actually got much quieter when she started and was entranced in all the atonal glory.  Also, my roommate’s friend is here from Germany and some of my other friends are interested in doing aperativo, so we’ll probably make a night of that.  I can’t get too crazy tonight because I’m going to Roma tomorrow (!) with my Renaissance Art class and we have to meet at the train station at 7:50am.  Most people here have already visited Rome, some twice.  This is embarrassing though, I didn’t share this before…I was supposed to meet my parents in Rome over Spring Break, but I was pickpocketed basically the very last of my money the day that I was supposed to be taking a flight from Barcelona to Rome.  I ended up missing the flight and calling my parents from a pay phone (because my cell was out of international credit) and we figured out that there were no flights to Rome or Florence for longer then they were comfortable leaving me in the airport…so they came to Barcelona and we spent a few more days there.  Yes, it is as crazy as it sounds.  I’m surprised I didn’t die of shame/stress.  But now I can laugh and tell that story on the internet!

Anyway, so yeah, I never ended up going on that trip.  The thing is that we are talking about a very specific period of history in my Renaissance class, obviously, so we aren’t visiting any of the ancient stuff, i.e. the Roman forum and the Coliseum.  I really have no time to do that myself, either.  As soon as we get there, we check into our hotel to drop off our things and then immediately go to our first site lecture with my teacher.  It’s going to be a packed two days.  My teacher is pretty intense.  I really like her because she is obviously very committed to what she does and seems to know every fact ever mentioned in our enormous textbook, but if the few hours that we spent in Padua is any indication, I will be exhausted and Renaissanced-out by the end of this.  Jade and I have our 9ams together everyday (ha, this is like the Jade superpost-unintended, really) and we were thinking of staying an extra day to go to the other landmarks but that’s not happening anymore.  There is an essay for that class due at the beginning of next week so I need time to write, mehhh.  The Coliseum will just have to wait until I return to Europe, which will be soon, I swear it.

As of the last week I have noticed how much I have missed gaaaames :/  I like videogames and I’m interested in the kind of communities they foster but it’d be silly to really call myself a gamer.  Still, I’ve usually got one or two that I’m rotating but I’ve only been playing random online flash-type games here.  Also, I think I’d feel guilty if I stayed in to play videogames here, which is probably better but ehhh you know.  I was locked out of my WoW account (which I wasn’t that far on, but still) when I got here because it thought I was a hacker, as I was logging in from Italy.  I was just to lazy to pay the amount it would have cost me for an international call to customer service so I just kind left it.  Also, I’ve played the portals like a million times.  My friend Kayla was trying to convince me to buy Civilization because she’s obsessed with it.  I’m not really into those strategy type games though- I feel like I can’t make decisions with that many variables, lol.  And I realized a couple days ago that I lost the mouse I brought here! Dark days Anyway, so yeah, excited for that when I get home.

Also, weird, I miss having a job.  Well, not that weird, but it’s not so much the money part.  I like a routine like that, a little more structure to what I have here.  Last semester I had two jobs and I was taking dance classes, so I had a pretty defined schedule figured out and I think that helps me a lot.  I’ve had a lot of time for little side projects that I probably wouldn’t have in New York, but I think that can be impeded by how much more normal it is to go out on the weekdays here.  Not that I’m not down with that, I’m usually go-go-go with that stuff, i.e. go to bars till 2am and wake up at 7:30am for class and then do it again.  I guess it’s best to just ride it out while I’m here, because I’ll probably miss it once I’m buried in obligations back in the States.

That’s all I’ve got for le blog for now.  Adieu!

“
If you are not very careful
Your possessions will possess you
TV taught me how to feel
Now real life has no appeal
It has no appeal.

I know exactly what I want and who I want to be
I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine
I’m now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy
Oh, oh no, oh no, oh no! “

-Oh No!, Marina and The Diamonds

Oh dear

Too many days no post.  I did blog the other day about this collaborative poetry blog I’ll be doing with a few of my friends, but I owe this blog an update big time :\  I am still going to call this the first year I participated in BEDA- just not very well.

SO having Allison here was fantastic, as expected.  I’m currently editing a video of our adventures (mostly the ones from her last day) in Firenze.  Like I said before, our study abroad experiences are very different, but I think we share a lot of the same feelings about going home.  I am still totally weirded out that I am leaving in about three weeks(!) but now I’m really starting to feel like returning back to the real world.  I’m so fortunate to have come here, but I can’t wait for what’s ahead.

I registered for classes yesterday! I had one of the earliest registration times because I’m ahead in credits, but DAMN, I did not realize by how much.  At NYU, you are required to have 128 to graduate, and I have…132.  (O_O)  I’m not going to graduate early- I just have no interest in that – but now all those emails I received sporadically throughout the semester directed towards the senior class make a little more sense.  Ironically, I still have a couple random requirements to fill, but it feels good to know that I am DEFINITELY in the safe zone for next year, lolz.

Unfortunately, when I was building my schedule I learned that I actually need access codes for some of the classes I want to take in other NYU departments that are supposed to be open to non-majors.  I really want to take this 2-credit course in Stern called “Digital Marketing Strategies,” and another 2-credit course in Steinhardt called “Art, Culture, and Society,” but alas, the system wouldn’t let me register.  I’m going to try to fix that soon, but for now I just registered for Gallatin seminars that seemed comparable.  My schedule as it stands is:

Advanced Poetry (with a teacher that a ton of my poetry lovin’ friends ADORE)

Origins of Language in Western Thought

Science and Culture (more of a social theory class than science, but still, EXCITED)

Digital Media and Art (stand-in…would rather take a digital media/marketing class in a school more geared towards communications)

Ballet (hurrah)

This all amounts to 18 credz (standard is 16.)  What can I say?!  As much as I gripe about it, I like school and I wanna pack a lot into senior year.

I’m also trying to tack down my summer plans this week.  I’ve been looking around at jobs and internships, but I can’t exactly finalize that until I’m sure that the people I’m living with (which is also a little up in the air) will want to move in at the same time as me.  I’d really like to move in at the beginning of June, but it looks like anyone I’ll be living with is on board for July at the earliest.  We’ll see, we’ll see.

So, as usual, I’m working on many a project right now.  I started some songs a couple weeks ago that are mostly covers, but they’re on the back burner for a minute.  I’m trying to make sure all of the poetry I want to post first on this poetry blog is edited exactly as I like it before it goes live, so I’m being a total freak about reading and re-reading a lot of my work (which is the quickest way to make yourself not want to post something.)  Whatev- dis is what I do.

See you soon!

“

Your brown eyes are my blue skies.

They light up the river that the birds fly over.

Better not to quench your thirst.

Better not to be the first one diving in,

though you caught me and you know why.

They breathe in the deepest part of the water. “

-Undertow, Warpaint

Formaggio

I honestly don’t have much to say about today that you wouldn’t know from yesterday, but dammit I am going to do this BEDA thing.  Allison is here! Allison is here! HURRAAYYYYYYY.  I went to the train station right after my Italian class ended.  It was really rainy and gloomy today, so I took a cab from school.  I picked up some red wine right next to the station to ambush her with, along with my camera.  It’s so nice to have someone here that I know so well.  It reminds me that the world isn’t at a stand still and that Italy isn’t some timewarp wonderland.  Also, it’s great to compare what it’s like for each of us to be abroad.  We both eventually ended up in New York after knowing each other since elementary school in Saint Louis, and now we’re abroad at the same time, but our experiences are so radically different.  The Tel Aviv program is only 20 people- Florence is about 300.  All of the Tel Aviv students live on the same floor of a hostel, where as we are spread out in different residences around Florence.  That’s just logistical stuff, though.  I think the personal relationships we have with our sites are very different- Allison is Jewish and trying to become fluent in Hebrew, where as I originally left New York just for restless 20-something reasons and to be around a lot of art.  It isn’t hard to talk about everything, though, which is the best.  I don’t feel the need to offer any disclaimers, or even explain the big things about me that have changed.  I am grateful to have met a lot of people here that I want to remain close with, but it’s also great to have someone around from home that I still feel so lucky to know.  I’m basically just really, really happy to see her.  (Molta formaggio, mi dispiace.)

We haven’t really done much today since Allison got here ~3pm.  We got some sandwiches and gelato (Gusta and La Carraia, of course) after we got back to my apartment, but otherwise we have mostly just been chilling.  I had fun introducing her to some people (“Chey, this is Allison, Allison, this is Chey…YAY AWESOME PEOPLE MEETING!!!”) and I think later tonight maybe we’ll hit some bars with more friends.

That’s about all I’ve got.  Keeping it short and sweet

“
No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else’s heart
Pumping someone else’s blood. “

-On The Radio, Regina Spektor

(Allison introduced me to Ms. Spektor in middle school.)

Till tomorrow!

Fiezole Adventurez, Jazzy Fun Timez, and Superstar Awesomesauce

Hello!  Ugh I’m sort of failing at this blogging everyday thing but I’m gonna keep trying.  I had a superb long weekend.  A lot of people traveled and some are still gone for Pesach (Passover- yeah I’m cool like that) but I’ve just been in Florence.  I did nothing and it was great.  Well, I did things, but they were mostly from the comfort of my apartment with a cup of tea nearby.  I got a lot of sleep, which only happens every couple months because I am a vampire, so that’s good.  I made some music, went through some footage of my friends playing soccer and started editing it (though I still can’t export that lip sync video…meh) and I even wrote a bit of poetry that I didn’t want to kill with fire!

In Italy, the day after Easter is called Pasquetta (Pasqua=Easter, Pasquetta=Little Easter) and it’s a day where Italians go to the countryside and picnic.  My friends and I are obviously really serious about immersing ourselves in Italian culture, so we decided to go to Fiesole for the afternoon.  Fiesole is a tiny little townplace thing on the hills just outside of Florence.  It’s only ~twenty minutes by bus from the center and I can’t believe we didn’t go sooner.  It overlooks all of Florence and there are lots of picturesque little houses surrounded by enormous trees and gardens.  When we were looking for somewhere to have our picnic we realized there is a lot of private property, which we didn’t anticipate at all.  We thought we’d just wander a bit and find somewhere, but we ended up getting ridiculously lost.  Outside of the main piazza of Fiesole is pretty much all uphill, so we were just wandering around these residential streets and then we came across this path that said it lead to a park, which it TOTALLY DID NOT.  This path turned out to cut through some of the fenced off fields and we essentially ended up circling half of Fiesole and coming back to where we started in about an hour.  Twas a bit disheartening.  We were all super hungry by then but we lucked out when we looked near some Etruscan ruins and ended up stuffing our faces with bread and champagne all the same.  I took some footage, the epic adventure will be chronicled on the internet soon enough (leave me alone, my mom says I’m cool.)

After relaxing back at the apartment for a few hours, I went with a bunch of people to see some of my friends play at the bar around the corner that we go to all the time.  One is a jazz piano major and the other is saxophone and it was AMAZING.  Seriously, I knew they were talented- particularly because I hear the saxophonist practicing all the time- but they had such good chemistry with the people they played with.  They took a tiny break from the jazz for one of my friends to cover “Heart of Gold” and “Surfin’ in the USA,” which everybody loved.  They just kind of noodled around for a while afterwards, but they were tasty noodles with pesto and garlic and stuff.  An instrumental jam of “It Wasn’t Me” happened.  SHAGGY, guys.  That happened.  It was really spectacular.  Lucky to have such talented friends

So, since that was last night, I obviously didn’t want to go to class today.  Blech.  But alas, I did.  For figure drawing we went to the Academia to copy sculptures.  I was so tired and really not feeling it at first but it actually ended up going a lot faster than I expected.  My figure drawing teacher is so damn worldly.  My friend Harrison and I were talking to him about the other media we’ve tried and he told us a bit about the kind of exercises he did when he was studying sculpture in France (“Make an egg.  Make a straight line.”)  Then he started talking about how music develops differently than art and mentioned that he studied piano in New York with Maurizio Pollini.  Then we were talking about Schoenberg and eventually got to the topic of minimalist music.  I said something about Steve Reich and he very casually goes “Ah, I met him once to translate an interview of his in Rome.”  WHO ARE YOU?!?!

Anyway, I’m super excited now because my superstar awesomesauce friend Allison who is currently studying abroad in Tel Aviv comes to Florence TOMORROW and she’ll be here until Sunday.  I can’t waaaaiiitttt!  AGH.  I just had to get that out.  Sorry for such low-brow writing, I know you aren’t used to that on this here weblog.  *adjusts monocle*  I do believe I’ve found a lexical gap in the English language for how much excite I are.

A domani!

“

This modern love breaks me.
This modern love wastes me.

Do you wanna come over and kill some time?
Throw your arms around me.”

-This Modern Love, Bloc Party

Empire Records Is My Ish

I love this movie and I haven’t watched it in at least a year and a half.  DIRE SITUATION.

I forgot how amazing Lucas  is.  “A responsibility like this requires the obedience of a saint.”  Fuck the man, bro.  “In the immortal words of The Doors- The time to hesitate is through.”  He is already cooler than everyone.

God, this is such quality 90′s attire, I can’t take it.

“Baby, you are sex!”  I should probably just say that all the time.

I used to think AJ was the hottest thing. Now I feel like I’d have to tell him to wash his hands first.  Still hot, though.

The first scene with Liv Tyler and Renee Zellweger always reminds me of a grungy Clueless.  Also, “Till I Hear It From You” by the Gin Blossoms is essential.

I wish I was cool enough to work in a record store and fight over what to listen to with M&M’s.

“Maybe I want to be sterile.”  Oh, Mark.

OH REXY, YOU’RE SO SEXY.

Lucas, you are quite correct.  “I told Mitchell the money was still here.” “Joe, that’s not true! It’s in Atlantic City, I swear.”

“Who knows where thoughts come from, they just appear!”  Maybe I could just quote this whole movie and that would be a blogpost.

Deborah’s entrance is perfect.  I want to be her.

“Joe, I can categorically say that you are not a bigger bananahead.”  I want to quote everything Lucas says.

DAMN THE MAN

“Free” by The Martini’s is perfect for this.

“I have to tell Cory that I love her by 1:37.”  “That’s an excellent time.”  Seriously, everything Lucas says.

“What’s with Today, today?”  Lucas Appreciation Blog.

Why have I not seen this movie in so long?  I should watch it everyday for educational purposes.

Also, why isn’t there a broody art student in love with me?

“Money” is this movie is so good! Ahhh.  Smash that shit, Joe

DAMN THE MAN

Mark is pretty great, too.  “No, we mustn’t dwell.  No, no, not today.  We can’t!  Not on Rex Manning day!”

Ahhhhhhh Video Killed The Radio Star, clutch

WARREN! I’m so excited.

Really, why is this not my life.

“Old enough to kick your butt through your skull and splatter your brains on the wall.”

Dayum, Renee.  “Welcome to MusicTown.  May I service you?”

I used to trade lines of this movie with my friend in 8th grade and I’ve never felt cooler.

“Well if Axl Rose was driving down the highway and saw Rex Manning stranded on the side of the road, you think Axl Rose would stop and help him?”

Lol Warren’s reaction. GPOY.

FAVORITE: “Who glued these quarters down?”  “I did.”  “What the hell for, man?!” “I don’t feel that I need to explain my art to you, Warren.”

I really just want to quote this entire movie.  You should probs stop reading and watch it.

Would anyone sing an operatic version of their idol’s hit song to his face?

Ugh ACDC FTW in this movie, fuck yessssssss.  Lucas, love me now

Deborah made me want to wear brightly colored bras with tank tops and listen to a Walkman with skinny cheap headphones.

This is breaking my heeaaarrrtt.

Jesus Cory, chill.

Oh god, someone should confess their love to me while saying they hate one of my skirts.

It’s weird, the images I remember from this are not what I expect.  Cory/Liv Tyler squatting and crying in a cropped sweater, plaid skirt, and combat boots is forever burned in my brain.

Lol.  Turbo-slut.

Oof I practiced that Renee Zellweger storm off like none other back in the day.

Ew this guy is so disgusting…I love this song though.  “Girl Like You”- Edwyn Collins

“That’s bullshit.  You know it’s bullshit.”  Tell it like it is, AJ.

Little miss perfect does speed. Surprise, surprise.

I should make everyone buttons that insult them.  Goddammit every character is the best.

“Don’t worry Joe, you’re a superb manager.  Superb.  Su-perrb.” Underrated badass.

Awkward.  Everyone is listening to you, Gina.

YEAH AJ.  Kill that wanker.  Fuckin twatter.

The breakdown.  This is so dramatic, I love it.

Mark with the brownies…Obviously.

Joe deserves love, his life sucks.

“Do you really know where Harvard is?  It’s another planet.”

I want a funeral plz.

“She left us and never said why.  I’m really gonna miss her, and I wish that I could’ve known her a little better.”  “Dogshit.”

Who is working the store right now lolz

“I tried to kill myself with a LadyBic.  A pink plastic razor with daisies on it and a moisturizing strip.” I LOVE YOU

Gina, I feel your pain, that shit is scary.

OH I forgot the gun thing!  Blah, this movie

“My name isn’t FUCKING Warren!”

“It’s not about money.  I hate money.  Look, I thought I knew what I was doing but I didn’t.”  Lucas let me love you

PARTY ON!  DAMN THE MAN!  SAVE THE EMPIRE!

Oh god, please don’t end.  This movie is too good.

Sugar High!  I miss this so much.  I used to listen to this in my cd player on the bus.  “Sometimes fires don’t go out when you play with them.  I feel so funny deep inside, I wanna kiss myself goodbye!”

My soul is withering.

“Perfect.  Well, not entirely perfect.”  PLEASE DON’T END

I-love-you-hate-you fights are the best.

When he says he’s going to art school in Boston my first thought is “Oh, Mass-art?  I think I know someone who goes there.”

The Gin Blossoms.  I’m dying. Why is this not my life.

“I don’t wanna take advice from fools, I’ll just think that everything is cool untill I hear it from you.”

Most of what I know about love is from movies, tbh.

I want to work at Empire Records.  The end is superrrb.  Dance on the roof, do it.

Rewindin the love confession/kiss.  Twice.  No shame.

“If you don’t understand how special you are, then you know nothing!”

“I’ll never love anybody as much as you and I hate you!”

Yep, never finding that kind of happiness.  Movies it is!

Ahh I don’t want it to end, but alas, it must.  So sad.  Love love love.  The end.

<3 Thanks for joining me, if you didn’t watch the movie, that’s silly, please do.  Farewell, see ya soon

How To Not Suck At Being Alone

So I originally started this post like “The lonely brooder is an archetype that stigmatizes…” or something because I am silly pretentious and I wanted to talk about how I really like being alone.  I used to think it was weird.  Also, I used to suck at it.  So instead of writing some loopy cultural analysis about how we’re basically taught to think that spending time alone is synonymous with spending time being lonely, I thought I’d try to write a letter to myself in the past??

~Dear self lol~

Okay, look, I get it.  You just got home from your first year of college and it is a total mindfuck.  You sometimes would really rather stay in and watch YouTube videos or try to write poetry that isn’t about boys.  (Though sometimes it still is… Don’t worry, you’ll find another boyfriend eventually, and it’s honestly better for everyone that you won’t for a while.)  You know what?  You don’t have to feel bad about that.  It’s actually healthier for you to spend time alone rather than constantly being around people like you were most of last year.  You can (and will) take it too far, but ultimately this is going to be pretty important to your personal growth or whatever.

Listen though, here are some tips.  This will hopefully save you a lot of time.

Facebook is great, sure, but until you get the hang of this being alone thing, you should steer clear of it for the most part.  If you start going through someone’s entire array of tagged photos and imagining how their life is better than yours, STOP.

Just because the ice cream container looks small doesn’t mean that you’re supposed to eat it all in one sitting.  Associating that feeling of uncomfortable fullness with being alone is just going to be a setback.  If you want to eat during the movie, that’s cool. Give yourself some limits.

Walks are good.  They help cool you down and get your ideas flowing.  Don’t forget your ipod.

Read this.

Write more poetry!  Keep it up.  Take some time to read a few more poems, particularly ones that aren’t your own.  Because right now, yours are…well, just do it.

You can get dressed up just to sit at home.  You dress for yourself and no one else.

Journals are your friends.  Hang out with them.

Some people think it’s weird that you want to read that Harry Potter book again.  Do it anyway.

It’s okay that you think internet communities are cool!  Don’t be so self-conscious about it that you can’t tell anyone.  Make sure to go outside, though.

It’s okay to have TV marathons, they’re awesome!  If your friends don’t like the same shows as you, who cares.  Again, make sure to go outside.

Chances are you’re doing one of the following: going to yoga all the time, or going to yoga none of the time.  This cycle is reeeaaally hard to break.  Try to force yourself to go, or stretch a little bit at home.  It’d be nice if you could get to a reliable medium frequency with the yoga classes.  (Still working on that.)

Keep trying to make music!  Eventually you might even let people hear it.

If you’re feeling down but you don’t want to be around people, that’s okay.  It’s easy to get depressed that way though.  If you want to watch a movie or start a new television series, that’s cool, but we both know that when it’s really bad, that’s not a great idea.  Do something, anything new.  Draw, knit something, learn to cook an awesome dish, whatever.  This will really help you out later on, so please make this a habit quick.  (Without this letter, it takes you quite a long time to figure this out.)

And finally, if you’re feeling really down, maybe it is time to go hang out with someone.  You can’t do everything yourself.  Get over it.

Sincerely,

Someone who had to learn the hard way

<3 Hope you enjoyed that.  Not saying I’m extraordinarily great at those things.  I have to remind myself about them all the time, actually.  It took me a while to learn that this is the advice I would give myself.  Till next we meet.

So does anyone else…

…feel like they are in a never ending cycle of addiction to nostalgic music?  Every few months I stay the night in a dingy Motel 6 and inject enough Weezer in my veins to kill a lonely ninth grader.  Maybe it’s the same with every generation, but on the whole, most of the people I know around my age are obsessed with nostalgia.  You really wouldn’t have to go far on the LES to find someone completely decked out in Fresh Prince attire or deeply engrossed in a conversation about Nirvana.  You could chalk this up to the fact that I go to NYU, or that New York itself attracts certain types of people, but I see it on some small scale everywhere.  People love talking about their old Neopets accounts, Hey Arnold marathons, and Boxcar Children books (Anyone? Just me? Nevermind.)  I actually still have a lot of glow in the dark ceiling stars in my room at home and I think it would immensely improve my quality of life if I put some up in my next apartment.  Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about how “new” really just refers to some bored kids trying to revamp their grandparents’ style.  I’m looking at you, Renaissance artists.

Lol at how it’s the first week of April and I’m already behind on BEDA.  This post is a slacker because it didn’t show up last night.  So with that, I give you the “Arielle Wants To Kill Herself With Old Music: Version 1″ playlist, off the top of my head.  Proper 4/6 blogpost later tonight.

(This might sound better if you download all of the songs with Limewire and write the track names in sharpie on a blank CD)

1.  White Men in the Black Suits- Everclear

2.  Transatlanticism- Death Cab For Cutie

3.  My Name Is Jonas- Weezer

4.  Punk Rock Princess- Something Corporate

5.  This Velvet Glove- Red Hot Chili Peppers

6.  City of Angels- The Distillers

7.  She- Greenday

8.  My Immortal- Evanescence

9.  Great Romances of the 20th Century- Taking Back Sunday

10.  Just A Phase- Incubus

11.  Fat Lip- Sum 41

12.  Praise You- Fatboy Slim

13.  Papercut (Reanimation Remix)- Linkin Park

14.  We’re Going To Be Friends- The White Stripes

15.  Santeria- Sublime

16.  Letter From An Occupant- The New Pornagraphers

17.  Video Killed The Radio Star- The Buggles

18.  Lua- Bright Eyes

19.  Stay Together For The Kids- Blink 182

20.  Hands Down- Dashboard Confessional

Judge away.
I think I will make more of these.

Ciao for now

Alphabet

I’m listening to a Jeffrey Lewis song of that ^ title.  Today was a good day.  I went to the Palazzo Piti with Renaissance Art and it was really incredible.  We saw these tables that look like they have a thick layer of painted designs with glass over them, but were actually a bunch of inlaid stones that they cut for the design with a wire and a twig.  That’s preposterous.  My friend Jade and I walked through these rooms that were covered with portraits and Madonna & Childs, repeating “Wow…” (also WHY WOULD THEY NEED ALL THESE?)

After I was done with class, I sang some stuff with Jade before her piano lesson.  I think we’ll be working on some covers sometime next week.  Almost everyone is going away this weekend for Easter/Passover.  A few people I know will be here, and I’m hoping to make this lip sync of some of us to a Wu-Tang song, we’ll see.  I sort of had plans to go visit my good friend Allison in Tel Aviv for at least part of passover, but its just didn’t work out…namely because of how expensive spring break was.  Fortunately, Allison is coming here and I’m incredibly excited.  This sounds silly…but I think it’ll be amazing to just hang out and already know that we understand each others’ situation.   I’ve known Allison for a long time- since elementary school actually, and eventually we ended up at NYU together, and now here we are.  She is someone that I’ve missed a lot since being here, but I know she’s having the time of her life in Israel. I can’t waaaait.

Last night I stayed up way too late working on a lip sync video of “Delete You” by ALLCAPS.  It’s a cute song.  The video for it is basically Kristina and her back up dancers filmed to very slow audio and then edited to look like they’re making a lot of sharp, fast movements.  So I was just experimenting with that a bit, along with some cropping and the like to make it extra hypocrazy.  For whatever reason, iMovie isn’t letting me export it.  Tried pretty much all I thought of/searched for.  I should really get FinalCut.  Mreh, eventually.

Tomorrow I’ve got Italian Opera and Italian.  We have a quiz in Italian.  It’s mostly food vocabulary and a verb tense pretty similar to what we just learned, not so bad.  I’m thinking of working on some more of my own music tomorrow after class.  A lot of people leave tomorrow afternoon and I’m really feeling a chill night when the building is quiet.  I really wish I had my guitar here.  I’m not that great but I do sit around and try to figure out songs by ear when I have it with me.  The piano in the music cottage here (that is the real name…) is a really nice black grand piano.  Jade and I opened it up to pluck the strings.  I can’t reserve the room because I’m not a music student, but I’ve played a bit with her and I miss writing songs for just a solo piano.  A friend is (or two are?) playing at a jazz club tonight.  I’m not sure if I can go because I should probably look at some more Italian stuff, but we’ll see.

Look out for many, many short posts like this.

“

Late at night cloudy light will creep over my old house
And the chair, where I once sat, someone new is there, and he’ll stare at that wall, and we’re all
Parts of an alphabet
Spell new words in new spots we’re at

And the big round blue boat drifts around in the dark.”

-Alphabet, Jeffrey Lewis